They found it in the kitchen sink. Just a little bit of head jutting up over the thick layer of grease that lay on top of the filthy water they served guests when they weren’t alone. Harry stood there looking down at it as Jocelyn scratched her ass through her nightie.
“What the fuck is it?” she said.
“Don’t know.”
He grabbed a skewer and jabbed it.
“Hear that squeal? Sounds like a fucking pig.”
“How the fuck would a pig get in our sink Harry?”
“Think it’s food, Jos?”
“Get rid of it.”
Harry turned to look at Jocelyn as she stood by the open door, the light wind outside rippling her nighty and the sun passing through it. His eyes wandered down to the blur at her crotch and he said “Let’s go upstairs.”
“You wanna fuck me get rid of that thing.”
“Why?”
“It might come upstairs and rape me.”
Harry considered the proposition, running his oil stained hand ponderously across his chin.
“I love to hear your bristles crackle in the horny afternoon,” Jocelyn said.
“Well I ain’t shaved yet.”
“You never shave Harry.”
“So the deal is despatch this beast and I get your peach.”
Jocelyn nodded.
Harry opened a cupboard which had knives attached with leather straps to the inside of the door. He removed a large bag which he placed on the floor and unzipped. He pulled a long knife from it and inspected it. It glistened. All Harry’s knives were clean. He always cleaned them afterwards. Jocelyn liked to watch. She also liked to hear them scream. She said Harry had the cleanest cutting action she”d ever encountered and she”d encountered a few of them, as the scars on her breasts clearly showed.
“I think this’ll do the job,” Harry said.
He walked over to the sink where its head was rising from the filthy water.It had black eyes with long lashes like a girl, and its bloated head looked as though someone had kicked it and it was swelling up with bruising.
“I can’t see a body,” Harry said, peering down at it.
Jocelyn walked over to the sink.
“Maybe it don”t have one.”
It was looking at them, its eyes darting from Harry to Jocelyn and back again as Harry jabbed it with the knife.
It screamed and Harry pulled away a section of grey flesh that dangled like rubber.He walked to the back door and flicked it off, watching the flesh land in the cadaverous yard.
He walked back in and inspected the sink.
It was trying to climb out. It had one limp foot perched on the edge of the sink and was scraping a long curved nail against the side, coughing spittle from its crimson mouth as it jabbered in a strange tongue.
“What the fuck is this?” Harry said. “It’s got a foot like a duck-billed platypus.”
“Kill it.”
So Harry started stabbing it, puncturing it repeatedly with his knife until it was red and dripping.
He stood back and waited to see if it was dead.
Jocelyn looked at Harry and felt a surge of arousal. He had his knife by his side and it was dripping blood onto the soiled linoleum floor.
“You know how many times we come on this floor?” she said. “I want you to fuck me with that knife when you”re done.”
Just then it started shrieking again.
It jumped up and stood on the edge of the sink and pulled its cock from its fur and stood there masturbating at Jocelyn.
Harry stabbed it again, this time lodging the knife deep in its fur.
He waved it around on the end of his knife and it flew off the end and landed by the door.It stood there jabbering and then ran at Jocelyn and sprayed her with yellow come.She wiped the strands of glutinous ejaculation from her yellow cheek and kicked it. It flew against the wall where it started barking at them.
“What the fuck is it?” Harry said.
He went over to the cupboard and got out his flame thrower.
“Pass me the paraffin, Jos,” he said.
It was making obscene noises at them, a strange cacophony of high pitched whistles and groans that sounded sexual in nature. Then it ran at Jocelyn waving its cock at her as Harry doused it in paraffin and set it alight.
They stood there watching it ignite like a Roman Candle and run outside into the yard, spraying piss all over the walls.
“We’s lovers ain”t we?” Harry said, laying an arm around Jocelyn”s shoulder.
She reached down and felt his crotch.
“Sure nuff,” she said.
They walked upstairs past the heads stuck to the wall, past the hides and pelts that lay on the floor, past the blood stains on the light switch, and into the bedroom where several claws lay on the faded carpet.
Jocelyn pulled off her nightie as Harry walked over and ran his hand across her nipples.
“They look like buckshot baby,” he said.
“Nothing like a little frying to make me wet. Come and feel me Harry, run your knife hand deep inside me.”
***
They lay in the twilight watching the shapes blur so that the claws looked like small knives on the floor. Harry got up and went down to the kitchen where he got himself a beer from the fridge and walked over to the back door. He looked down at the burnt body and stepped into the yard.
He had to tread over the clumps of fur that lay scattered everywhere. Some of them were dessicated, some had bits of flesh attached to them and were in various stages of decomposition. At the edge of the yard was a head, dried and bleaching from the sun.Some animals were gathering at the yard”s end, scavenging for bits of still edible meat.
They watched Harry, staying back until he went inside.
He cleaned his knife, polished it, and put it back in its case. Then he got the body from the yard and put it on the floor.Jocelyn came into the kitchen and stood there looking at it.
“Smells good,” she said. “I want you to barbecue the sink beast.”
“Get your fine old sauces dripping.”
“They already are baby.”
“I’ll spoon the flesh into your savage mouth.”
Jocelyn curled her tongue up to her lip as the light caught the gold stud in it. And Harry started making supper.
● ● ●
First: Best. Opening. Paragraph. EVAH.
Second: This shit don’t let up!
Third: WTF was that? *reads again* *laughs like a madman*
Fourth, and Finally: Richard, you have outdone yourself with this one. I’m grinning ear to ear. Also, so gross!
Becky what can I say? When a writer of your calibre leaves a comment like that it is what we are about, why we write so that like minded fellows understand, not posturing critics with an agenda built out of the hide of their road kill, and the word redundancy stamped into their foreheads grown slack from frowning with their customary moral hang ups at too many late night coffees with their placid pale editors, but others like us who like a good story, who know what wiritng means and is about, gross is good gag me with a spoon before I turn into a Valley Girl.
Uproarious! Nasty! And just another day in the kitchen of Harry and Jos, two loonies you cain’t he’p but love! Good ‘un, Mr. Godwin
Miss A you always know what to say and how to appreciate a good yarn. Told from the kitchen, do I hear the scraping sound of knives, ketchup or HP sauce?
Dat’s some crazy shit, man! Certainly kept me reading!
I’ll chime in here with everyone else and say, Holy Shit!
This is such a demented story that you can’t help but want more. You could literally hear the squeals of this sink beast as the knife slipped in and out of it, as it got lit up and as it wagged its dick all over the kitchen.
Hilarious, original, demented and oh-so-Godwin. No one else could have written this with as much fun as it appears you had, Richard.
How about a sequel? Something like “Return Of The Sink Beast” or “Here, Piggy, Piggy”?
Charles good to see you here. Crazy is good right within certain prameters, thank you for your comment.
Christopher thank you for your comment. Yes indeed we have Bizarro at its best now why can’t Bizarro be merged with Noir and get this whole bitch thing done with.
The imagery is bangin.’ I spent the second read thru thinking about how I would draw it. Is this bit o writing whats known as flash fiction? An unexplained core sample of a larger reality that, after a no blinking, suspended respiration read thru begets several moments of glassy eyed speculation scattered throughout the day?
(Made me recall a story from nightmares and dreamscapes. The moving finger?)
Shot you are not far off. Imagine a pig crawling out of your ktchen sink with a head in its mouth flashback city.
I’ll be damned. I wondered where my brother-in-law had gotton off to. Now I know. Gotta be him. The whistling noises and cock waving, yeah at’s him awright. Tittering became laughter, laughter became roaring, roaring became helpless chortling. I am now a puddle on my kitchen floor and the spouse is heading my way with cutlery. The moral of this Young Adult tale is: Stay away from that Godwin fellow. If you associate with him you will come to no good end. He will make you laugh so hard your ass will fall off. Damn. There it goes. KERPLOP! Thanks, mate. A great laugh is always appreciated.
Question: Is this where the Eagles got that line about Stabbing it with their steely knives but just can’t kill the beast?
Bill a desert highway may well lead to the sink beast. Best served with the right sauce, thank you for your comment.
We knew we were dealing with a slice of fried (barbecued) gold when this monster darkened our door. I think it just spit, shit and accepted itself actually.
David thank you for your comment. It’s good to see the beast on Flywheel, mm it smells sizzling.
I like these characters! Bring ‘em back alive in a sequel or prequel or gagquel! Another excellent one from the Godwin.
Sal they may return. For another kitchen infested fight with the animals we see lurking in those unwashed corners.
That is one wacky story. Gross, brutal, pedal-to-metal writing. Any story with the line “He went over to the cupboard and got out his flame thrower” is good in my book!
Oh, and it’s good.
Thanks Alex.
Thanks Chris, a flame thrower is always useful.